Tick, tick, tick.
The previous sentence represents three seconds of my life rocketing away, never to return. I know, that’s melodramatic. It’s hard to give any one three-second period particular credence, but I do. Is it because I’m preoccupied with clocks? No. Is it because I love the onomatopoeia sound of “tick?” Maybe. But mainly, it’s because it’s all I got. It’s my life, dammit.
Currently, I work as a legal videographer. Legal? Videographer? Work? What? Yes, I record legal depositions. You know with video cameras and a computer. Which, for the record, is not as sexy as it sounds. Not at all. They are all civil cases. People suing other people for money. No juicy ex-husband murders, no duplicitous business partner embezzling, no shocking liquor store holdups. Nothing from the lurid and way more interesting criminal world at all.
Summing up: being a legal videographer is a little bit south of watching paint dry.
But my current work situation is not the only boring thing I have to contend with. It’s just a subset of the most boring thing of all.
And that is:
Wait for it…
WAITING!!!
Back in the day, when I was in basic training in the Army, one of the funny slogans they liked to cram down our throats was “hurry up and wait.” HaHaHa. I laughed for hours over that one. Mainly after I had “hurried up,” i.e. double-time marched in 90 degree temperatures with 90% humidity (think August in Alabama) to get to the medical clinic and “wait” in line for what seemed like years (perhaps while standing at attention) in order to receive a series of painful and probably unnecessary shots/vaccinations. It was one belly laugh after another with my comedian/sadist Army drill sergeant.
Side note: To this day, I still have nightmares about basic training.
But wait… there’s more. More “waiting” things that drive me crazy.
- When my computer doesn’t respond I don’t know if the computer has crashed, is broken, is thinking, or has just fallen asleep. So I wait, push buttons, and wait some more.
- Later, re my seemingly dead computer, I attempt to communicate with customer service via:
A. Email. No. Bad address – can’t even send the email.
B. Chat. No. Box appears online indicating box’s name is Gigi. I attempt to get Gigi to chat me towards a successful solution. Two chatting hours later, Gigi informs me that computer failures aren’t her thing.
C. Phone. No. Sent into voicemail hell. Press one for “kill me now.”
I’m sure you, dear reader, get my drift. I’m sure that you too can name other evil time wasters that suck the life out of you. But fret not, per a Facebook meme I recently ran across:
“Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” Stephen Vincent Benét
Wait, that’s kind of depressing. Try this one.
“Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” Chinese Proverb
Better but… I think this last one says it best.
“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You have to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.” Stewart O’Nan
